Agonizing Bliss
by FreedomT1
Summary: Summary: Why did Edward really leaving during his first night with bella? EdwardxBella


**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story.**

**Summary: Why did Edward really leaving during his first night with bella? EdwardxBella**

**Edward's PoV:**

I sighed for the fifteenth time tonight, maybe sixteenth, but who was I kidding? Who would have the time to think of such trivial things when you had your angel laying in your arms, fast asleep, for the first time in your life. . .no your existence. Truly, their could be no greater bliss then to hold your love. . .your first trusting, stupid, beautiful, clumsy, caring, unfathomable, irritating, naive. . .I could go on indefinitely. I looked down at my angel, Bella Swan, for the first time after the few immeasurable seconds I was distracted by my sigh.

I gazed at her perfect face, well maybe not perfect-- well maybe not perfect, she was human after all. I allowed myself a low chuckle, just a whisper of a sound. I felt her shake at the frigidness of my cool breath. I shied away one tenth of a millimeter, not wanting to part from her, but also trying not freeze her like an ice cube. I sighed once again, staring at her lovely face. I'm sure if I was human my eyes would have been tearing by how long I had stared at her.

One thought had been consistently popping into my cluttered mind. Why? How can this beautiful person, the most beautiful human and vampire though I may be a little biased, come to love me? Me, a monster, both by day and night. Not like the werewolf, I shuddered at the thought, where they're only monsters during the night. I was now, and forever, and unchangeable monster. Yet somehow, this human girl, has come to feel to same about me as I do her. Though, I loved her more than she would ever know, no words would do my feelings even the slightest bit of justice.

I noticed that she had stirred, "Shh my love. . .sleep. . ." I whispered as minutely as I possibly could, not wanting to disturb her sleep. I sighed sadly, how I wish she could be awake now. I wish I could see her smile, her rosy cheeks when she blushed, her eyes. . .her brown eyes that I could lose myself in for far longer than the hundreds upon hundreds of books that I've read.

It all seemed so unimportant now, if Bella was not a part of something I did, I found it to me meaningless to me. My god, was this possible? To feel so much attraction to someone that I shouldn't be allowed to have? I loathed myself for being so weak, for not being able to stay away from her. . .

I noticed a light draft float in through the window, I could almost see the air moving, rattled her already haystack resembling hair. Oh god. . .her scent quickly filled her room up to the brim with unmerciful potency. . . I immediately cut off my unneeded air supply.

I won't chance it, I refused to breath in her addictive scent anymore then I had. If I lost control, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. . .If I ever hurt her. . .NO! I couldn't think this! I slid off her bed as a snake slides on the ground, and I was out her window in the second after that.

And I was off, running towards my family's house. I had to leave, if I had stayed. . .I shook uncontrollably. Was that possible for a Vampire? I ran past my house, seeing Alice on the front porch with worried expression. "I'm fine. . ." I slurred out too quick for human ears. Racing past the Alice's confused but none prying expression, my thoughts turned back to my love. Why? Why? Why?! "Why!?" I screamed once I knew I was out of earshot of my family. Why have I been cursed from the one thing I truly desired in this world?

Why must I be such a monster? Why must I love her? Why couldn't I have found a Vampire to love? I sighed in defeat for the seventeenth time that night. I stood there, unmoving for a while. I solemnly decided to head back to the house to get a change of clothes. I _did_ promise Bella that I'd be there when she opened her chocolate brown eyes.

I reached the house and trudged up the stairs to the main door. I was walking at a normal _humans_ pace. I laughed bitterly at myself. I noticed Alice dance to a stop at me. "What's wrong?" she asked in her high soprano.

"As if you don't know" I replied with and edge of irritation. Couldn't she see I wasn't in the mood to talk about his?

"I don't know everything, you _know_ it's far more difficult to see what happens with humans" she replied looking down. '_He doesn't have to act like that. I'm only trying to help. . .ah come on Edward you know that's not fair!' _She thought when she caught my expression changing into a regretful with only a hint of irritation now.

"I know Alice, I know. I'm sorry but I need to get back to Bella. It's almost morning and I promised I'd be there when she awoke. . ." I replied, eyes downcast. _'Go.' _She thought, obviously annoyed.

"Thank you. . .sorry. . ." I rushed off to my room for a change of clothes. I couldn't have her scent on me anymore then it was already. I quickly threw on a shirt and pants, not really caring what I had chosen, and jumped out my window racing back to Bella's.

I reached her house in record time, eager to see her again, and launched myself in through her window landing softly on the floor. I quickly turned my eyes towards her sleeping figure. Such beauty I thought. Then I couldn't help but laugh, she hadn't moved so much as an inch since I left.

I slowly turned and walked over to the rocking chair she had had in her room since she was a little girl. Sitting down, and waiting patiently for her to wake up. I'm not chancing being close to her anymore for now. I starred at her for who knows how many hours, but then I saw her roll over putting her arm over her eyes. Suddenly she shot up with a startled, "Oh!"

"Your hair looks like a haystack. . .but I like it." She whipped her head in my direction and nearly screamed in joy. "Edward! You stayed!" as she ran in a blur even to me colliding into my lap.

I sucked in my breath a few seconds before she hit me. Then, she froze, obviously wondering if what she had done was allowed. If people were doing what was allowed. . .I wouldn't be here. . .with her. I chuckled to myself. "Of course." I replied pleased by her reaction.

I slowly started rubbing the small of her back. She leaned back into me, into my shoulder. It took all of my willpower not to shudder at the pleasure. She inhaled my scent, I smiled. After a few minutes she spoke, "I was sure it was a dream."

"You're not that creative," I scoffed playfully. Again she froze, "Charlie!" She jumped up out of my lap, I was instantly colder than I was when she was touching me, and ran to the door.

"He left an hour ago. . .after reattaching your battery cable, I might add. I have to admit I was disappointed. Is that really all it would take to stop you, if you were determined to go?"  
She stood still, seemingly thinking over what I had just said. "You're not usually this confused in the morning." I said in a matter of fact tone and held my arms open for her. She was free to decline.

"I need another human minute," she whispered, although I heard it as clear as day.

"I'll wait." She grabbed her bag of toiletries and skipped into the bathroom, eagerly? I laughed quietly to myself. Her mood was going to be ruined when I told her what we were doing today. Meeting my family. I waited for her to finish her _human_ moment. Hmm, I smiled, this was going to be interesting. Yes very _interesting_ I laughed again, waiting patiently to see my angel again thinking of all the possible scenarios that could play out today . . .


End file.
